I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
