I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
