...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
