Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
