lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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