Pants 0. Shit 1.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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