Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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