Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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