Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
