Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
