One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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