Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
