every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
