i just wanna soil my oats bro
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
