there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
