if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
