he puts the penis in happiness.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
