Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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