haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My vagina is officially offended.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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