Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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