using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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