And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
