Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
