saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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