My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
