he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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