i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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