he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
