I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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