You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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