just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
