Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
