Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
