dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Acid is not a monday night drug
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
