my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
