my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
