You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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