I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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