Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
