There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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