I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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