is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
