after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
