They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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