Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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