The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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