So drunk its hurt
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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