I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
