i permit you to call me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
