My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
