would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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