508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
