NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
