Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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