I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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